[This article is from the Winter 2002 issue of FAMILY! from the Family Education Section.] In immediate response to the 9/11 attack on the WTC in the United States, the Parent Encouragement Program-Maryland/PEP’s director, Cheryl Wieker,compiled and circulated important tips to help parents know how to help their kids through turbulent times. What follows is an edited sampling.
Carefully consider whether children should be watching...unfolding...dramatic and unsettling television footage...[which] can be very frightening to children. If you want to keep up with the breaking news, consider a pocket radio with an earphone, or catch the evening wrap up when the children have gone to bed, or consider restricting the time for disaster related family viewing. Remember that children are good observers but poor interpreters. It’s up to parents to interpret what has happened for their children....
Barbara Fairfield, PEP’s longtime Adlerian Open Forum Counseling therapist and consultant, made the following suggestions for talking with the kids about...[major] tragedy: Don’t make safety the issue--this will cause children to worry. Reassure children that they are safe now, but don’t guarantee that you can keep them safe. Even very young children know that their parents and caretakers can’t guarantee safety. This will cause the children to worry, and worry doesn’t help. Barbara recommends that parents...model for your children responsible ways to react to a disaster of this magnitude. Don’t let the natural anxiety of this situation run your life, and avoid making yourself or the children more anxious. ...Focus the children’s natural anxiety to social interest, the “royal road to mental health” according to Barbara. Focus on how you as a family can be helpful to those who have been hurt. ... Help children to take the moral high ground in reacting to...disaster. ...Keep your discussions about terrorism calm and factual. Don’t speculate in front of the children about what group could have been responsible....
Linda Goldman, author of Life & Loss, A Guide to Help Grieving Children shared her thoughts about helping children with [the 9/11] tragedy:...Affirm to children that they are now safe, and talk about ways that the adult world was competent to take charge when the disaster happened...fire safety people and hospitals all had their plans to help people, they have practiced, and they knew what to do--just as they would in our community. Help children re-establish their sense of order. One way may be to try to keep to the daily routine as much as possible. ...Children’s reactions will range widely and most of these are quite common for traumatized children. ...Give children many ways to tell their story. Keep your answers to their questions simple and age appropriate. Remember that young children can employ “magical thinking” and may believe that they somehow “caused” the problem. Reassure them....This was an act of violence and will be punished. People are not allowed to do this to other people....
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